Days of Our Tennis Extended
by CoD and Posterior Praiser
Summary: Various Soap Opera plots, done TeniPuri style. Be afraid. Be very afraid. [first chapter now edited. true soap opera format!]
1. Da ne strikes!

****

DAYS OF OUR TENNIS ... extended!

Presented to you by: Posterior Praiser, and the Cheeseburger of Doom (who also praises Posterior) and their Crazy Rubber Chicken of Doom (TM)

Neither of these lovely gender-non-specific girls owns anything, although they definitely would not mind owning Kaido's sexy bandana.

For the original Days of Our Tennis, please see Cheeseburger of Doom's PoT Fairy Tales!

This fic has been EDITED. It will now appear as more of a soap opera. May the gods have mercy on our souls.

-----

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Kaido screamed. "MomOOOOOO!"

He could hardly believe it. He was watching his wife husband die, right before his eyes! The evil Akutsu had stuck him in a cage, and was holding him over a vat of sulphuric acid. Then...the cage exploded.

"MOMO!!!"

Kaido's time with Momo flashed before his eyes.

-----

__

"Hey ya big boy, you wanna take me for a ride on your motorcycle?" Momo asked.

Kaido hissed. "Baka. Why would I take you on my motorcycle?"

"Mamushi! Take me for a ride now before I pound your face in!"

"Then get on, you idiot!"

Kaido was a bad boy, and Momo liked it. They were the couple at the high school, and nothing on Earth could break them apart.

-----

"We're being chased!" Kaido yelled. "Momo! Hurry up and do something!"

"Why should I do something, you baka mamushi?"

"It was your idea to become a crime-stopping duo in the first place!"

"What the hell? You agreed to it, moron!"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

"Ah, crap! We're still being chased!"

-----

"Kaido..."

"What is it, baka?"

"I...I want to have babies."

"..."

"Let's settle down and start a family."

"..."

"I know you like living on the edge, but...you want to pass your genes on down to your son, don't you?"

"..."

"Please, Kaido?"

"I have no problem with the idea, Momo, but aren't you a man?"

"...right. We'll have to work on that part."

-----

"Let's name him...Dan. Dan Taichi."

"I thought we agreed to name him Herbert?"

"Baka mamushi! I'm_ the one who gave birth, so go to hell!"_

"But I want him to be named Herbert!"

"You suck!"

-----

"Let's sail around the world, Momo."

"Oh Kaido...this is so romantic. I can't believe you really bought the boat."

"I'll name it the baka, after you."

"Kaido!" The two kissed underneath the stars. Then they started an argument about who would get to sail.

-----

"Now that we've sailed around the world, and Dan's old enough to go to school and all that...Do you think we can be detectives again?" Kaido asked, hopefully.

"I'd love to," Momo said. "Then after that...I want to have another baby!"

"..."

-----

"Akutsu, you BASTARD!" Kaido screeched. He pulled a convenient bomb out of his pocket, and blew up the warehouse he was in. Then he went home and cried like a little baby.

MEANWHILE...

"Are the rumours true, padre?" Yuuta asked with a mix of concern and fear in his eyes.

"I'm afraid so, Yuuta. Yanagisawa has indeed been possessed by the devil."

The priest Kisarazu had heard of such things as possession in rare cases, but this was something else. Yanagisawa was certainly not always the brightest person, and unfortunately was quite susceptible to these kinds of things. He had been wreaking havoc throughout the town for weeks, leaving all of his victims scared and helpless.

The only words they could say were da ne.

Kiserazu knew that he had to face the situation head on, and would have to exorcise whatever demon was possessing his former doubles partner.

He took out his emergency crucifix, several pieces of garlic and a shovel, and prepared to enter Yanagisawa's hospital room, where he had been tied down to a bed, to prevent him from causing an more trouble after the last incident with the unsuspecting Kabaji, although no one really noticed the difference.

Yuuta was very troubled by the whole thing, since Yanagisawa had gotten to Mizuki, before he could stop him.

"The look in his eyes when he got Mizuki was…. it was…."

"I can understand how you feel. He really isn't himself when he's like this. I will try to exorcise the demon now. Then Mizuki and the others should return to normal."

The thought of Mizuki screaming da ne for the rest of his life, made Yuuta want to crawl into a hole and die a painful death.

Kisarazu took a deep breath and entered the room, shovel in one hand, garlic in the other.

He was relieved to see that Yanagisawa was still unconscious, as they had only brought him in, passed out a few hours earlier.

He approached the bed very carefully, hoping to the whole thing while the other was not awake.

All of a sudden, an arm grabbed him, and eyes flipped open, to reveal bright green terror.

Kisarazu proceeded to scream like a little girl.

MEANWHILE...

Father Ohtori had sinned.

He was madly, deeply, truly, unfortunately very very in love with Shishido Ryo. There was a big list of problems that went along with that fact, but the top two on the list were the killers.

1.) He was a priest, and that kind of thing really isn't allowed for priests and

2.) Shishido just happened to be his sister's husband.

There was a new problem that ranked number three as of today, and it was also a whopper.

"So, I suggest you agree to our terms, or your sister is in for a rather large shock," Oshitari said. There was an evil and disgusting smirk covering his face. Ohtori was about to tell the man that all Blackmailers went to Hell, but he kept his mouth shut as he remembered the position he was in.

"Yeah! I mean, think of how the chick's gonna feel when she sees a tape with her husband doing kinky things with a _priest_! A priest who's her _brother_! Unless she gets off on that kind of thing, which would be kind of gross." Mukahi snickered.

Oshitari laughed along with his partner in crime (among other things).

"How much do you want?" he asked, weakly.

"Your soul," Oshitari said. The room suddenly went dark, and lightning struck. Father Ohtori gasped, and held up his crucifix.

Mukahi cackled like a hyena. "Oh, Yuushi! You kill me! Really, all we want is a million dollars, and the knowledge that we can have anything else we want from you at any time!"

"And also the knowledge that you are suffering greatly," Oshitari said.

Father Ohtori had no idea where he was going to come up with a million dollars, but he guessed he'd better get started.


	2. Ack! Who are you?

Sengoku yawned and stretched. Ah, what a beautiful morning! Last night he'd finally seduced the subject of all his latest kinky fantasies. They'd met in the bar, drunk off their asses, and had agreed that yes, Ostrich feathers are indeed pink. Then they'd gone back to Sengoku's place.

The person beside him stirred.

"Morning," he purred. Then his eyes bulged out of his head in shock as he realized that the person in bed with him did not have blue hair, no; his hair was...magenta.

"Yohei? Damn it, I thought you were _Kohei_!"

Yohei blinked. "Sengoku? But I thought you were Wakato-san!"

Well, how embarrassing. That was the last time Sengoku was going to get drunk.

But...what was he going to do about this? Last night had been the best damn night of his life, ostrich feathers included!

"It looks like we have a situation," Sengoku said.

"Not really. Two consenting adults, and all that. Let's just forget it ever happened."

"Oh my God! Sengoku! I thought you said you loved me, and then you sleep with my _brother_?"

Well, Kohei definitely had bad timing.

"How did you get in here?" Sengoku asked.

"You gave me a key, you bastard! Does _Yohei_ have a key, too?"

Kohei slammed the door, and stormed out.

"We have a situation _now_," Yohei said.

"Gee, thanks for pointing that out."

MEANWHILE...

"Kamio. I just...I don't know how I'm going to break the news to Dan, who is away at boarding school," Kaido sobbed into the phone. "He'll be so crushed to hear that his other father is dead!"

"There there, Kaido. It will get better with time. I'm sure you'll meet someone who will take all your pain away."

"No one could ever replace my Momo!" Kaido bawled.

"Excuse me, are you Kaido Kaoru?" Kaido looked up, and saw a man standing at his desk. The man's glasses twinkled sexily.

"Why yes, yes I am."

"My name is Inui Sadaharu. They told me to come here."

"Oh! You're the ex...ex..." Kaido blushed. "Ex-drug addict and..."

"Prostitute."

"Yes." Kaido cleared his throat. "I don't know why they're leaving you in my care, but they are."

"Excellent."

Kaido blinked. "...right."

MEANWHILE...

"Mwahahaha da ne!" cackled Yanagisawa. It was not Yanagisawa's voice, however. It was deeper, and much distorted, and also a lot sexier. It was a voice that would have suited the devil himself. Which was convenient, since it actually happened to be the devil's voice.

Yanagisawa's lips parted to reveal sharp pointy teeth. "You are trying to exorcise me, puny priest-like man?"

"Y...yes," Kisarazu squeaked.

"You'll never force me from this body, da ne! I will continue to wreak havoc, until I get tired of it. Which will never happen! This man sold his soul to me, and I find it quite tasty, da ne!" This followed by a very loud belch, which sent Kisarazu backwards into the wall. When he recovered, the devil was grinning at him.

"I won't let you keep that innocent's soul!" Kisarazu exclaimed. He held up his crucifix and began to chant. When the exorcism was finished, he opened his eyes, and...

The devil still sat exactly where he'd left him, inspecting his fingernails in a very bored manner.

"There's no way a pathetic mortal like you is going to defeat me. Da ne," he said.

"You...you scoundrel! I will defeat you!" Kisarazu exclaimed. He prayed hard for Yanagisawa's lost soul.

"There's only one way to get me to leave, da ne."

"What's that?" Kisarazu knew he would have to be careful. Dealing with the devil was dangerous business.

Yanagisawa leaned close to Kisarazu's ear, and whispered something.

"I'm not going to do _that_ with the devil! Or Yanagisawa for that matter. I'm a _priest_!" Kisarazu exclaimed indignantly.

Yanagisawa the devil shrugged. "In that case, I shall sing." He began to belt out "nine hundred and ninety-nine million bottles of beer on the wall".

Once more, Kisarazu screamed like a little girl. There had to be _something _he could do!

MEANWHILE...

What was one to do in a situation like this? Father Ohtori wondered. He gave advice to every stupid person in town, but couldn't seem to be able to figure out a solution to his own problem, which was what to do about that tape that the town pariahs Oshitari and Mukahi had. He decided to have a talk with Shishido regarding this unpleasant turn of events.

"WHAT??!!!!"

Ohtori had to take a few steps back in order to keep Shishido's voice from breaking his eardrums.

"Uhh... Yeah they have a tape…"

Shishido turned into what could best be described as a mother bear who had just had his cub stolen.

"Step back padre. I'm gonna kick some loud mouthed, redheaded ass!"

Ohtori stood back as Shishido ran out of the house toward Oshitari and Mukahi's place, with what he believed to be a great plan to get the very incriminating tape back.

He was simply going to pound Mukahi until he gave it to him.

Simple yet not effective in the least.

As soon as he arrived to the house, he was promptly thrown out by one of Oshitari's hired goons (for special occasions, always pick hired goons, he'd always say).

"Well that was a big waste of time…"

"Ha! Did you really think we'd give you that tape so easily. He must be stupider then he looks, eh Yuushi?"

"Perhaps he needs to run back to the priest. He'd probably put up a better fight."

The two continued to laugh at Shishido's expense as they returned to the house and slammed the door.

"Those ()&#)&()$&)(!!!"

"Shishido! There's no need for such profanity."

Father Ohtori reminded as calmly as he could.

"Well if this ain't time for profanity, then I don't know what the hell is! How the hell are we going to get that damn tape back now?!"

"I think I may know a way…"

Shishido listened intently as Ohtori told him his no doubt devious and cunning plan.


	3. Avon Calling!

"I've changed my mind. I don't want to do this," Shishido said.

"But Shishido-san...What else can we do?" The look on poor Choutarou's face was so irresistible that Shishido took a deep breath, arranged his mini-skirt into a more comfortable position, and rang the doorbell.

"What the hell do you want?" demanded Oshitari and Mukahi's butler. Shishido thought he remembered him from somewhere.

"Avon calling!" Shishido chirped cheerfully, putting on an almost-convincing fake woman-voice.

"Get the hell away from here!" The door was slammed in Shishido's face. He rang the bell again, and when the butler's face appeared once more, he made a very interesting growling noise.

"I'm selling sex toys. I'm sure the masters of the house would be interested."

"Maybe. I'll go get them," the butler said. "HEY! OSHITARI AND MUKAHI! A SEX-TOY SELLER IS HERE!"

"Yay!" Mukahi exclaimed. "Yuushi! Yuushi, can we buy something? Can we, can we?"

"Let's see what he has to offer first, Gakuto."

While Shishido kept Oshitari and Mukahi busy, Father Ohtori snuck into the mansion to try and find the tape.

"Not so fast, padre."

Ohtori froze. Strong arms seized him, and dragged him into the living room, where Shishido was being held in a similar position by some hired goons.

"What the hell? How did you figure us out?" Shishido demanded.

"The hairy legs gave you away, Shishido," Oshitari said.

"Damn it! I knew I should have waxed before I came here!"

The two were promptly thrown out on their asses, but not before Oshitari and Mukahi had a nice round of cackling at their expense.

"Choutarou...there's only one thing left we can do," Shishido said. "We've gotta come clean with my damn wife."

"But...Shishido-san..."

"I don't want to live in fear, Choutarou. I'm sure she'll be very understanding."

"I suppose you're right. I guess we'll have to tell the truth. That's what will set us free, right?" The two embraced, and were very sappy, while they tried to stall for time. Neither wanted to be the one to break the news to Shishido's wife, but it was going to have to happen at some point...

MEANWHILE...

Oshitari and Mukahi's butler, the very, very weary Wakashi Hiyoshi, petted a strange-looking box in a dark corner of his room.

"Soon," he said. "Very soon! Mwahahahaha!"

MEANWHILE...

"Inui. Will you...will you marry me?" Kaido asked, hopefully. He had come to love Inui Sadaharu. He had asked his son Dan about it, and Dan said it was okay for him to remarry by now.

"Yes, Kaido. I will marry you."

"No! You two can't get married!" yelled a very conveniently placed old woman by the name of Ryuzaki-sensei. "You're still legally married to my dear son Momo!"

Inui and Kaido exchanged looks. "Ii data," Inui said. "Who is this Momo?"

"...the mother of my child..."

"Oh, right. That Momo."

The two were so in love that they bothered to go out and have Momo legally pronounced dead, then they got married and lived happily ever after.

....until Bob showed up.

Bob looked exactly like Momo, but Kaido was pretty sure he wasn't Momo, since they got along far too well.

"I don't like the way you look at that guy," Inui said, one night in bed.

"Well...he looks just like my ex-wife husband."

"I know but...you love me now, don't you?"

"Of course I do, snookums."

MEANWHILE...

Wakato Hiroshi was not expecting a knock on his door so early in the morning but there it was, disturbing his beauty sleep. He rose to answer it with a rather large chip on his shoulder.

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"I want revenge on my slutty whore of a twin brother who screwed my boyfirend!"

"Umm, can you come back later? I get a lot of requests for revenge…"

"Hey! He's screwing around on you! Don't you care at all?"

"Not really. Now get out of here!"

The door was slammed in Kohei's face and he was not in the least amused.

He sure as hell wasn't going to stand by and let his twin brother get away with such a betrayal.

"If I'm not going to get any help, then I'll just have to exact my revenge myself!"

Kohei directed his anger toward an unsuspecting mail box in front of Hiroshi's house, which flew about 20 feet with his kick, then took a deep breath and walked off to put his plan into action.

Kohei decided that this could be an opportune time to play the old switching game he and Yohei used to play, however, it would be much more fun this time.

He concocted a plan in which he'd pose as Yohei and get Sengoku into bed. That way he'd be sure to make Kohei extra pissed off.

Well this plan did not work quite as Kohei had hoped of course, because he was greeted with a blank stare from Sengoku when he turned up wearing the most seductive outfit he could muster, and a magenta wig, and after he said something like I want your sexy body, and winking in a very cheesy manner (he was not very good at this whole seductive bit…)

"Damn! That was the second time I've had a door slammed on me today! I will not rest until I've had a proper revenge! I don't care what I have to do!"

Kohei began to twiddle his fingers together, al la Mr. Burns, and was promptly hit with an order to cease and desist with the unauthorised imitation.

MEANWHILE...

It was one of the most frightening things Yuuta had ever seen in his life, besides his brother playing dress up the Tezuka, but that was another story all together. He had returned home to check on Mizuki-san, hoping that Kisarazu would soon be able to bring him back to normal when he saw it.

Mizuki was dancing around a fire in their back yard, and was throwing all of his flowery shirts into it, all along yelling something like flowers are evil da ne.

"Oh my god! Mizuki! What are you doing!"

"I must destroy happy things like flowers da ne!"

Yuuta ran up and grabbed Mizuki from behind, and dragged him into the house, before he could burn the rest of his treasured wardrobe. A fight ensured and Yuuta had no choice but to knock Mizuki out cold using a broom from the closet. He laid Mizuki down on their bed, not sure how much more of this he could take in one day, and hoped Kisarazu was faring better then he was.

MEANWHILE...

Father Kisarazu was about to break in the face of the devil's horrid melodies, when he threw his shovel at the possessed Yanagisawa to make him cease the torment.

"I guess I have no choice but to bring out my secret weapon. I had him brought in from boarding school just for the occasion."

Kisarazu then opened the door, to allow a young boy with a very cute puppy in his arms to enter the room

"You should be nicer desu, or Mr. Scruffers won't be very happy, desu, and if Mr. Scruffers isn't happy, then I might cry desu, and you don't want to make me cry do you, desu?"

At that moment, the possessed Yanigaswa began to howl in terror.

"AHHHH!! TOO CUTE DA NE!!!!"

He did a few flips al la exorcist, then flopped back onto the bed, motionless.

"I guess you were too much for him Dan. Good job."

"Thank you desu."

All that was left was to make sure that the devil was indeed gone from Yanagisawa. Kisarazu approached the hospital bed, to take a closer look, when the other stirred.

"What happened, da ne? Why are you looking at me like that da ne? Did I do something wrong, da ne?"

"Don't worry about it, Yanagisawa-kun. Everything's fine now."

Father Kisarazu gave a final sigh of relief that this whole unfortunate episode was over with.

Or was it?


	4. The Butler Plots

A/N: Ah, we changed the thing so that we can accept anonymous reviews. I (Cheeseburger of Doom) was supposed to mention that last time, but alas, forgot.)

-----

Kohei was not answering the phone. Sengoku was deeply unhappy. He wanted at least a chance to explain himself to the object of his affections. There was really no good excuse for what he'd done, but he wanted to set the records straight: he was in love with Kohei, not Yohei, and that would never change!

That did not explain why he was still having secret rendez-vous with Yohei on a semi-regular basis. The reason for that was entirely simple: Yohei was quite sexy. He was almost identical to Kohei after all, and since Kohei wasn't speaking to him...well. Sengoku was only human.

"You know, Sengoku...I don't think we should see each other anymore," Yohei said.

"But you look so cute in the blue wig!" Sengoku protested.

"I'm not Kohei! You have to understand that. I have feelings too, you know."

"I know. I love your brother so much..."

Yohei sniffled. "Nobody loves _me_."

Sengoku's heart went out to the poor boy. "You're a really great guy, it's just..."

"Everyone always loves Kohei! Even Wakato!"

"What?"

"The guy I've been after forever, he...He secretly likes Kohei! I mean, you can't tell it from the way he acts, since he always brushes Kohei off like he's not worth a pinch of shit, but...I can see it in his eyes! Oh, woe is me!"

"What a cruel world we live in!" Sengoku exclaimed. "Kohei is never going to forgive me, and I shall never have the one I truly desire! Your true love loves another! Alas!"

Yohei and Sengoku began to sob into each other's arms, which then led to getting drunk, which led to another rather interesting escapade, this time without feathers.

Which led to Kohei walking in on them yet again.

"Damn it! I was just going to come and try and win you back! I tried everything! I even pretended to be Yohei, but it didn't work! You knew who I was, so you slammed the door in my face!" Kohei wailed. "Oh, Sengoku! How could you?"

"That's not true, Kohei! I really thought it was Yohei at the door, trying to seduce me like an idiot!"

"Now you're saying I'm bad at seduction! And if you're so turned off by Yohei, then why are you two naked in bed together?"

"I..."

"You have to choose, Sengoku! One or the other!" Kohei exclaimed.

Sengoku looked back and forth between the twins. How could he possibly choose? His heart was torn in two.

"I...Give me some time," he said.

"That was all the answer I need! Goodbye, Sengoku!" Kohei swept out of the room. And walked right into the wall.

"Damn it," Sengoku cursed. "Why me?"

"Well...at least we still have each other," Yohei said.

"Yeah, I guess."

"What do you mean, you guess? That's it, I'm leaving you!"

This was definitely not Sengoku's day.

MEANWHILE...

"So, padre," said Yanagisawa casually. "What are you doing tonight, da ne?"

Kisarazu gave him a blank look. "You just got exorcised, and now you're asking me for a date?"

"Well...yes, da ne."

"I see." Kisarazu considered. He had come to have special feelings for the man he'd exorcised only moments before. It was as though they had some sort of special bond.

"I was thinking we could go and see a movie, da ne. Either that, or go back to my place, da ne."

"Either is fine."

"Excellent, da ne."

"By the way, why are you still saying 'da ne'? The devil is gone, right?"

"Yes, da ne. But I always said 'da ne', da ne."

"Right."

Yanagisawa offered his arm. "Let's go then, shall we?"

"Yes."

"Hey...isn't that kind of wrong, desu?" Dan Taichi asked. "Padre...what about your dead wife, desu?"

Kisarazu had forgotten that Dan was still in the room. He got down on one knee, and looked the child in the eye. "She's been gone for a long time, Dan. I have to get over her and move on. I'm in serious need of a good affair, or I'm going to get cut from the plot."

"I see...desu. I'm going back to boarding school, desu." Dan left the room, looking thoroughly disturbed.

"What movie were you thinking of seeing?" Kisarazu asked.

"The Day My Grandma Farted so Loudly the World Blew Up," Yanagisawa replied.

"...let's go to your place."

"Da ne."

MEANWHILE....

One fine day, Ryuzaki-sensei decided to give Bob a special chest, containing various items that made Bob remember that yes, he was indeed Momo.

"Kaido! It's me! Momo!"

Kaido gaped at Bob. "No, you're Bob."

"I'm really Momo! I remember everything! Kaido, don't you remember that time on my motorcycle, when we tried to see how many people would fit?"

"Oh my God, Momo!" Kaido shrieked, and he ran into the baka's arms.

Inui, standing nearby, pushed up his glasses, and decided to cut his losses and run off to Europe, where he wanted to perfect his special juices, which were now about 78% drug-free.

He really needed to do something about that.

MEANWHILE...

The butler was in a dark room, speaking into a telephone in a hushed voice.

"How soon can you do it?" he asked.

"Depends on how much you're paying," the voice in the phone replied.

"How much do you want?"

"I'd say about a million."

"A million? Just for whacking somebody? That seems a little pricy."

"It's inflation."

The butler seethed. "Fine. I'll come up with a million. Just get my brother out of the way. I'm sick of him getting all of the attention! I'm sick of him and his sickening life! I'm sick of --" The butler realized that the person on the other end had already hung up.

"Damn it all!" he wailed.

MEANWHILE...

"Umm… I kind of had an affair with Shishido, Seiichi "

"Really? That's umm… that's….."

Father Ohtori ran to catch his sister Yukimura as he passed out, clutching his chest.

"Holy crap! This is not good!" Shishido exclaimed as he ran to the phone, and attempted to dial 999 or was it 993 or….

After several minutes, and Ohtori swiftly taking control of the situation, they arrived at the hospital.

"Is he going to pull through, doctor?" Father Ohtori asked, when the doctor came into the waiting room.

"He is stable, but I'm afraid that he is in a …coma."

Shishido jumped up and grabbed Dr. Kajimoto by his coat.

"What do you mean, a coma!"

"I mean a…coma."

"Oh. Okay…"

Father Ohtori ran to his sister's room, desperately wanting to make things better, and for Seiichi to wake up.

"Seiichi! I'm so sorry! You have to wake up! You just have to!"

Shishido quickly joined him, after taking a few moments to compose himself

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He is your sister after all, and you're the strongest person I know."

Ohtori resisted taking this opportunity to thoroughly glomp the other boy (he did have some good taste.)

After spending the day beside Yukimura, with no change in his condition, Shishido decided to go home to grab some things and to return afterward.

During his walk home he had several cheesy flashbacks of his past growing up with Seiichi and Ohtori. He had always loved them both, but realised that he was indeed in love with Ohtori, and that it hurt much more than it should have when Ohtori said he wanted to be a priest. This one time fling, it seemed had much more meaning that it should have….

"Well this doesn't make things any easier, now does it?"

--------


	5. My sister Seiichi

"Momo...I'm so glad that we're finally going to be married again," Kaido said, holding his beloved's hand. "But why do I have to wear the wedding dress?"

"It's your turn, this time!"

"...baka!"

"Baka baka!"

"Baka baka baka!"

The priest cleared his throat. "Excuse me, you two? I have a wedding to conduct, here."

"Right. Sorry."

"Wait! I object!"

The audience in the church gasped.

"I haven't gotten to that part yet!" the priest exclaimed in exasperation.

"There's a ninety-eight percent chance that you still love me, Kaido!" Inui exclaimed. "Be mine again!"

"Inui...I..." Kaido looked back and forth between Momo and Inui.

Momo stepped back. "I see you still love him, mamushi. It's okay, I understand." And Momo walked away.

"Nooo!" Kaido exclaimed. His heart was torn in two. What was a mamushi to do?

MEANWHILE...

Kirihara woke up in the morning, quite pleased that he had managed to get exactly what he wanted; Fuji Syusuke of course, except he was quite surprised to find a rather different sleeping face beside him.

"Yanagi-senpai???!!!"

"Huh? What happened? I was pretty drunk…"

"Ah, crap! Now what am I supposed to do? I thought I drugged Fuji….."

"You know, you're not really supposed to say those kinds of things out loud."

"Oh, I guess you're right. Well anyway, I'm getting out of here."

Kirihara was very frustrated and decided that he was going to have to think of a better plan to break up Tezuka and Fuji, if he wanted to be successful.

Kirihara just so happened to be Tezuka's half brother and Yanagi happened to be Fuji's half brother (confused yet?).

Well, all was going well in Kirihara's twisted mind until he realised that yes, even he was pregnant! He (not conveniently) managed to find this out, just around the time that Fuji was supposed to get married to Tezuka, and took this as a golden opportunity

Kirihara was at the wedding, being Tezuka's brother and all, and decided to strategically place himself in the front row, where Fuji could see him clearly.

When Fuji was about to say I do, Kirihara made a huge scene falling over from his seat to the floor, yelling "Ahhh my baby!!" and quickly made the announcement that it was Fuji's, when asked who the father was.

Fuji was a bit notorious for being a player of sorts, and thought it entirely possible that he might have gotten mixed up with Kirihara, and not remembered it, so he decided, much to Tezuka's anger and jealousy, that he had to stick by Kirihara and be a good father, and that they would have to post pone the wedding.

Tezuka had the feeling that Kirihara was definitely up to something, and he was of course, absolutely right. However he had no way to prove it yet, so he decided to secretly investigate the situation.

IN OTHER NEWS...(nani?! what about the meanwhile?!)

Tezuka Kunimitsu was the perfect son. He had the looks, he had the charm...even if there was a stick up his ass at times, and his facial expression never changed. Everyone loved Tezuka. Everyone worshiped Tezuka. Tezuka got all the damn attention!

The butler was Tezuka Kunimitsu's little brother. He had left home and changed his name at the tender age of twelve, and had been plotting his revenge ever since. Someday, he would get back at the brother who had somehow managed to make everyone love him and forget about poor little Hiyoshi, who had spent most of his childhood crying in a corner, starving to death because even his own damn parents forgot to feed him!

"I want Tezuka to die," Hiyoshi said, stroking his mysterious box. "I want Tezuka to die and be forgotten, and then I shall rule the world!" His evil laughter was cut short when he began to choke on the gum he'd been chewing. No one was around to do the Heimlich manoeuvre, so he hacked it up himself. He'd become very dependent in his lonely years.

Soon, he was going to prove to the world that he was worth a damn! Soon, he would...Oh, damn it all, he was just lonely! All he really wanted was the affection of...of...Well, he'd rather forget about that and focus on killing Tezuka. If Tezuka died, then he could have the object of his desire -- who was in love with Tezuka and had been for just about...forever. Even though Tezuka loved another, Hiyoshi's object of obsession _still_ loved Tezuka! It was always Tezuka, Tezuka, Tezuka! Why the hell did his stupid older brother get _everything_?

"I'll get rid of him, and then you'll be mine..." Hiyoshi whispered to the mysterious box in his arms. "You'll finally be mine!"

MEANWHILE...

Ohtori was sobbing into his pillow. He really, really loved Shishido-san, but that love had caused his dear darling sister to fall into a coma!

"Oh, Seiichi..." he said, as he sat by his sister's side in the hospital room. "You were always there for me, you always looked out for me, ever since we were little. When the other kids made fun of me, you let me cry on my shoulder, and you made Sanada-san stop them. Those were such good times..."

Come to think of it, Yukimura and Sanada had always been rather close...what ever had happened to the two of them? Why was Yukimura married to Shishido, anyway?!

Well, that was neither here nor there. "Seiichi, I love you, dear sister, but...I'm in love with Shishido-san! I couldn't help it! I wanted him to hold me so badly that I felt about ready to burst! I...I...I don't know what to do! I can't give him up, I just can't, but...you're married!"

"Choutarou..."

"Shishido-san!" Ohtori stood up quickly, knocking his chair to the ground. Thankfully it did not crash into any important life-support equipment. "I was just...talking to Seiichi."

"Choutarou...you..." Shishido closed the distance between himself and the love of his life, and embraced the taller man. "Oh, Choutarou, I love you so much!"

"You shouldn't be doing this, especially not in front of your wife..."

"Damn it all! It's the truth! How can I help but love you?" Shishido demanded. "Besides, Seiichi's heart has always belonged to another! I've always known that. I married him because I thought he loved me, and I thought I loved him, but it was you I loved all along, Choutarou! Please, say you'll stay with me!"

"I...I...but it put Seiichi in a coma!"

"Damn it! Seiichi should understand! Why don't you understand?!" Shishido wailed, pounding a fist into the invalid Yukimura's chest.

Yukimura made a strange coughing noise, blinked his eyes open, and sat up.

"Where am I?" he asked.

"Nurse! Nurse! Seiichi is awake!" Ohtori yelled. Nurse Itsuki came running in, and did nursely things. Doctor Kajimoto came in and examined Yukimura.

"He has recovered from his...coma," Doctor Kajimoto said gravely. "You may speak with him now."

"Seiichi..." Ohtori began, but he had no idea of what to say.

"I know that you two are in love. There isn't much I can do about it. Please, just be happy," Yukimura sniffled.

"Oh Seiichi. I love you so much, sister!"

"You're a dear younger brother. I don't blame you for anything. And Ryo...I'm sorry. I...I've always loved someone else, but...he rejected me before I married you."

"See, told you," Shishido said, nudging Ohtori.

"You must leave the patient to rest now," the good doctor said, ushering the two of them out.

"I love you, Shishido-san. I'll stop being a priest so that we can be together forever!" Ohtori exclaimed.

"I love you, my beautiful Choutarou!" Shishido exclaimed. "Marry me!"

"Yes, Shishido-san! I will! As soon as you divorce Seiichi."

"Oh right. I'll get on that."

MEANWHILE...

"That idiot revealed the whole plot to his sister himself," Mukahi said, shaking his head, "but what he doesn't realize is that we never had a tape at all. Stupid."

"He was rather impatient," Oshitari agreed. "Ah, well. Now that our plan has fallen through, what would you like to do, Gakuto?"

Mukahi bounced up and down. "More torture! More torture! It's so hard to choose who, though!"

"Indeed. Let's keep our eyes and ears open for a while."

MEANWHILE...

Sengoku had been thoroughly rejected by both of his perspective love interests, and was about to give up when he came across an interesting plot in which to snag Kohei, and get Yohei out of the way at the same time.

If Yohei had a boyfriend, he would not be so tempted to jump into bed with him, and figured that he could somehow persuade Hiroshi to go out with Yohei, even if he did like Kohei better, because Kohei was his damn it!

Sengoku approached Hiroshi's house and quickly stuck an envelope on the mat in front of his door, rang the doorbell, and rushed behind a near by bush, to observe Hiroshi's reaction.

Hiroshi opened the door, and saw the envelope on the ground in front of him. He picked it up and opened it. The note read something like "I want your body, sexy. Meet me at the club on 22 nd street tonight, and bring plenty of ostrich feathers."

Sengoku had quite stupidly managed to forget to sign the letter as belonging to Yohei, and Hiroshi was not quite that stupid, so when he saw a patch of bright orange hair sticking out like a sore thumb in the green bushes, he had assumed that the letter was from Sengoku.

He did not mind that prospect much at all, so he decided that he would stock up on Ostrich feathers and head out to the club that night.

Sengoku had also planted a similar message for Yohei, which was well received from the boy. Yohei had also assumed that the letter was from Sengoku, because of their mutual fondness for ostrich feathers. He didn't like Sengoku too much for treating him like garbage, but decided that it would be fun to go out for another romp. Yohei stocked up on feathers himself, and went to the club that night.

Sengoku waited at the club to see the two love birds meet, and to ensure that his plan was a success. Things of course did not go as planned unfortunately, and when Hiroshi walked into the club and sat down next to him, he was flabbergasted.

"Well feathers are a little kinky, but I bet we could have some fun.."

Hiroshi made a significant move on Sengoku, just as our good friend Yohei walked in to the club.

"So you're screwing Wakato now too! How low is that! You are such a sleaze!"

Yohei stormed out of the club, leaving Sengoku with a now very angry looking Hiroshi.

"I'll be damned if someone as wonderful as myself is gonna waste his time with someone else's sloppy seconds! I'm so out of here!"

Hiroshi did a very diva like hair flip, then proceeded to saunter out of the club

"Well I guess I can rule out all three of them now…"

MEANWHILE...

Father Kisarazu was in love. Yanagisawa had definitely grow on him, and he found himself wanting more and more to be with the other. He had decided to take a big step in leavings priesthood in order to marry Yanagisawa, but knew that it would be worth it in the end.

The wedding was quite beautiful, and even though Yanagisawa's son Yanagi was dead against it, they decided to go through with it anyway.

Well naturally someone had to crash the wedding, and his time it was Oishi, who walked in with a somewhat familiar person in a wheelchair, who was covered in bandages from head to toe.

"Oh my god! It's my husband da ne!"

"Sorry to interrupt, but I found this guy the other day, and he asked me to bring him to you."

The bandaged figure took a deep breath and said a few words.

"I've missed you, Shinya-chan."

"Well I guess the wedding's off for now da ne. I have to take care of this little mess first da ne."

Yanagi jumped out of his seat at the wedding and ran toward the bandaged man.

"Oh my god! It's really you, isn't it? "

"Yep. It sure is, Renji. You've grown up quite a bit."

As the tear jerking reunions continued, Father Kisarazu wondered what the hell could possibly go wrong next.


	6. Pansy Guards are Cheaper

Yanagisawa could hardly believe it. His husband wasn't dead! All this time, he'd thought...he'd thought...

"Oh Shinji. I thought...I thought..."

"I know, Shinya-chan. But you think too much and you never act! If you'd come after me, and actually looked for me, you might have found me, but nooo, you just sat at home in your comfy chair, and then had a fling with some priest, while poor little me sat in an uncomfortable hospital bed, longing to see you, every second of every day, feeling helpless all the while, and ..."

Yanagisawa had dozed off. He'd forgotten how boring his husband was.

"SHINYA!"

Yanagisawa came to instantly, and wiped the string of drool from his mouth. "Shinji, you have to understand me, da ne. I thought you were dead for a long time, da ne. I...I got over you, da ne, and I fell in love with someone else, da ne."

"That's all well and good for you, but what about me? You have to consider my needs too, or else there will be so much pain and sorrow, and with pain and sorrow there comes --"

"Shinji! Shut up, da ne!" Yanagisawa exclaimed in exasperation. "You...you were married before, da ne. I'm sure that your old wife Kamio would love to have you back, da ne."

"Akira? But Akira --"

"Ack, don't start again, da ne! He's the mother of your first child Fuji, da ne! If anyone can help you, it's him, da ne!"

"But you're the mother of my second child, and my current wife, and --"

"Shinji...I don't love you anymore, da ne. I love Atsushi-chan, da ne. He's a very sweet man, da ne, and he gave up priesthood for me, da ne."

Shinji sniffled. "I don't know what to say."

"Thank God, da ne!"

MEANWHILE...

The next day, Kaido was not-so-conveniently pushed into a secret operation, and forced to work undercover with Inui, to bust a drug ring, and were forced to get married in order to keep up their front (again, not convenient). Not that they'd ever gotten divorced in the first place, but that is neither here nor there.

"Kaido, I want to talk to you. About us."

"Inui...I love both you and Momo," Kaido said.

"Kaido...I still love you," Inui said, taking Kaido's hands in his. "I'll always love you. Please, let's shag, right here on the carpet."

Kaido hissed. Then he agreed.

MEANWHILE...

Tezuka was pining over his lost Fuji. He clenched his fists in anger every time he saw Fuji with Kirihara, smiling that same old smile. He wanted Fuji back, and he had no idea how to get him.

The phone rang just as Tezuka began to develop a huge headache.

"Tezuka."

"Kajimoto!" Kajimoto was a long-time friend of Tezuka's.

"I...I found out something that I thought you should know," Kajimoto said, very serious.

"What is it?"

"It's about Kirihara Akaya."

Tezuka's grip on the phone tightened. "What about him?"

"The paternity records for his baby...they've been forged."

"What?"

"The baby belongs to...Yanagi Renji." Kajimoto had a strange tendency to talk in "..."s.

The phone clattered out of Tezuka's numb hands. Fuji's half-brother was really the father? Then that meant...That meant that Tezuka could have Fuji back. He retrieved the retriever.

"Kajimoto. We have to stop this madness," he said. "We have to expose the truth."

"Yes. You're right, of course," Kajimoto said. He sounded kind of depressed. What Tezuka did not know was that Kajimoto had always been in love with him, but had been too afraid to admit it all along -- because he knew that Tezuka loved Fuji.

"Will you help me?"

"Of course I will," Kajimoto replied. "You're a dear friend."

"Thank you."

Tezuka hung up, new hope kindling deep in his heart. Or maybe that was just gas.

MEANWHILE...

Yohei and Kohei faced each other with stormy expressions.

"You," Yohei growled.

"You," Kohei growled.

"You ruined my entire life!" they howled at each other.

"You stole my boyfriend!"

"What the hell? _You_ stole _my_ boyfriend!"

"Hey, wait a second. Doesn't that mean we should each have a boyfriend?"

"...yeah. So where are they?"

"Damn it! This sucks!"

"I forgive you, Yohei."

"I forgive you, Kohei."

"Right, now the _real_ bastards have to pay!"

"Wakato and Sengoku are in for a nasty surprise!"

"Um...what did you have in mind?"

"Um...I don't know. Maybe we should set them up with each other?"

"Uh...that doesn't sound too nasty. Besides, I sort of made sure that would never happen, when I walked into the club the other night...Wakato got the wrong idea, when I called Sengoku a sleaze."

"Sengoku _is_ a sleaze."

"Well yeah, but so is Wakato, when I think about it."

"...we really got the short end of the stick here, didn't we?"

"...why were we chasing those guys in the first place?"

"I think we should give up and find someone else."

"What about setting those two up together?"

"Ah, they can go to hell."

"Yeah, I think I agree."

"Oh hey, I just remembered something."

"What?"

"I think I'm pregnant," Yohei said. "I'm guessing it's with Sengoku's kid."

"Oh. That sucks. Now that you mention it, I think I'm pregnant, too."

"Who did _you_ sleep with?"

"The milk man."

"Well, isn't this fantastic."

"No, not really."

"I guess I'd better tell Sengoku about this."

"Yeah, and I need to talk to the milk man."

MEANWHILE....

Butler Hiyoshi was dusting around the house, thinking of how he was going to receive such sweet revenge against his oh so perfect brother Tezuka. He also wanted to seriously maim his half brother Kirihara, but that was an entirely different subject. He wanted to remove Tezuka from the picture so he could get his hands on the very attractive Dr. Kajimoto, who was unfortunately very infatuated with Tezuka.

"Damn. He gets all the luck!"

"Stop doddling and get back to work!"

Mukahi was one hell of a bitch to work for, and Hiyoshi was dying to make it big so he could be swept off his feet by the handsome doctor of his dreams.

Hiyohi had met the doctor after he had an unfortunate accident trying to cook. Needless to say, it involved a large amount of mashed potatoes, and wasabi sauce gone wrong.

Kajimoto had nursed him back to health, and Hiyoshi had been in love ever since.

However, Kajimoto had unfortunately fallen in love with his patient's brother, who came to visit everyday. Hiyoshi boiled remembering that unfortunate turn of events.

He was not sure as to how he was going to come up with a million dollars with the pittance he got paid by the cheap bastard Oshitari, until he came to the natural conclusion to steal it.

Hiyoshi snuck into Oshitari's money room and took a million dollars, which he didn't seem to notice was missing afterward and the pansy guards he had were not at all like the hired goons he would pay on occasion (pansy guards are cheaper you see).

MEANWHILE...

Yukimura was slowly recovering from his heart attack, and was somewhat happy for his brother and now ex husband, who seemed to be thoroughly in love.

He was still heartbroken from being abandoned by his true love, who just happened to be working at the very hospital he was currently residing in, and just so happened to be his newly assigned physician.

"Genichirou?"

"Seiichi?"

"Why did you leave me?"

"I thought you were cheating on me with that Shishido character…"

Yukimura looked up at the ceiling in denial. He had indeed been seeing Shishido on the side, but it really hadn't meant anything.

"I thought you were cheating on me with Akaya…"

Sanada had been cheating on Yukimura with Kirihara, but Kirihara was the town's easy squeeze until he set his sights on Fuji Syusuke.

"Why were we fighting in the first place?"

"I have no idea."

Yukimura wondered why exactly they had never had this conversation sooner. It really would have made things easier…


	7. Fatherhood

"I'm pregnant, Sengoku. Sengoku? Did you hear me? SENGOKU!"

Sengoku was currently running for his life. He did not want to deal with being a father in the least. He wanted to get as far away from Yohei as possible.

"That sleaze. I can't believe I ever fell for his game. Well I'm gonna make him take care of this kid no matter what I have to do!"

MEANWHILE...

"Umm Aoi I think I'm pregnant."

"THAT'S GREAT! I CAN'T WAIT TILL WE HAVE OUR LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY!"

Kohei was relieved that Aoi wasn't going to walk out on him, but was starting to get a little annoyed with his all too happy attitude.

"How is the milk delivery going?"

"GREAT! IT'S A FUN JOB YOU KNOW, ALTHOUGH I WISH I HADN'T GIVEN UP TENNIS SOMETIMES. THAT WAS FUN TOO."

"You're being a little loud…:

"OH! SORRY!"

Kohei sighed. Things were not going to get any better, were they?

MEANWHILE...

"Kaido...I'm pregnant."

Kaido fainted.

MEANWHILE...

Atobe Keigo reclined in his chair, with his feet up in the desk. He had a cigar in his mouth, but he wasn't smoking it. He didn't want to ruin his health, after all...but a mob leader had to have a cigar in his mouth at all times. Appearances were very important to him.

"Kabaji. Count the money."

"Usu." Kabaji set to work counting the cash that was in the briefcase that Hiyoshi had brought in. After he confirmed that there was a million dollars there, Atobe turned to his client.

"Consider your brother killed," Atobe said. He didn't shake Hiyoshi's hand because he did not want to violate his person.

Hiyoshi scowled. "Just do it fast, all right?"

Atobe narrowed his eyes at the insolent dog before him. "Don't order mafia leaders around. You won't like it."

"Whatever."

"..." Atobe really did not like this Hiyoshi person. "Get out of my office."

When Hiyoshi was gone, Atobe tried to decide who would be best for this assassination mission. He could always send Kabaji, but...truth be told, he wanted to see this "perfect older brother" himself. There were very few in the world who could compare to Atobe's beauty. He decided to carry out the mission himself.

MEANWHILE...

"Yuushi! Yuushi! Will you buy me a boat?" Mukahi asked, bouncing up and down, as he was prone to.

"Anything you want, Gakuto. Let's go down to the money room." Oshitari flicked on the light upon entrance, and then....he gasped.

"What's wrong, Yuushi?"

"Someone has stolen a million dollars."

"How can you tell? There's money piled up all over the place."

"I can sense it," Oshitari replied. "The money, it calls out to me. It tells me that some thief has been in here!"

"Does this mean no new boat?"

"Yes, but it also means a long and drawn-out process of accusing various different people of wanting to steal our cash, followed by the discovery of who it really was, and then punishing them viciously."

"Yay!"

"I knew you would like that idea."

MEANWHILE...

"Hahahahahaaha! I am finally going to marry Fuji Syusuke and there's nothing that Tezuka or anyone else can do about it! Oops, I'm talking to myself again aren't I? Oh whatever."

Kirihara was getting into his wedding dress, which just so happened to be an exact duplicate to the one Tezuka was going to wear (against his will, of course).

"Damn that Yanagi-senpai! I had to go through all of the trouble of having medical records forged because he's getting suspicious. If he finds out that the kid is his, everything will be ruined!"

He walked to the alter, wishing that Tezuka could be there to see his moment of triumph, but contented in the knowledge that he was probably off somewhere sulking at the loss of Fuji.

He walked down the aisle, all the time keeping his eyes on Fuji, who was not very happy with this new arrangement at all, no matter what Kirihara thought. Kirihara also took note of Yanagi's presence, but shrugged it off because there was nothing he could do to prove that the child was his.

He did have a perfect plan after all.

The priest began the ceremony, and Kirihara was shaking with the anticipation of his victory throughout the whole thing...

MEANWHILE...

Kajimoto was disheartened, but knew that he had to tell Tezuka the truth so he could be with Fuji despite what he felt. He arranged to meet Tezuka outside of the church, with the printed off paternity results that Kirihara hadn't been able to get to.

"It's time to act."

"Ah. Let's go"

"Sure."

"If there is anyone who objects to this union…"

"We object! This marriage is a sham!"

Tezuka and Kajimoto approached a now fuming Kirihara who looked about as red as the blood he frequently drank (but we don't think Kirihara is the devil...)

"The kid isn't yours, Fuji. The child belong to Yanagi Renji."

"You're lying!"

Kirihara was now thoroughly in Tezuka's face, threatening almost certain death with his glare, which was equally matched with Tezuka's

"Ah shut up!"

Tezuka proceeded to deck Kirihara so hard that he flew a few feet and ended up unconscious on the floor of the alter..

"Now we can get married, Fuji."

"Sas. Would you wear the dress?"

"…"

A few moments later, after Tezuka had changed, the wedding proceeded with no further hitches.

Everyone was perfectly happy, and all was resolved...

"Hey what about Yanagi? And what about Kajimoto?"

Oh yeah. Well things were not yet quite resolved…

MEANWHILE...

Yanagisawa was utterly confused about what to do. He knew that his son Renji was completely opposed to him remarrying after Shinji reappeared, but he loved Atsushi-chan so much. It was certainly not an easy choice to make (da ne).

He decided to ask advice to from his more supportive son Syusuke (he was always the good one, da ne).

"Saa, well I don't know. If you really want to marry Father Kisarazu, then I don't have any complaints. Yanagi has emotional problems but I'm sure he'll get over it after a while, though. He just doesn't want to see you with any one else."

"How's your new marriage going, da ne?"

"Well Kirihara has been chasing me endlessly still, and Tezuka had to throw him out of our house a few times, but he doesn't mind."

Fuji took this opportunity to inform Yanagisawa of the situation in it's entirety.

"So Kirihara's kid is Renji's da ne? I wish someone would tell me about these things da ne."

"I just did."

"I guess you're right, da ne."

The two parted, Fuji to his Tezuka, an Yanagiswa to have a talk with Shinji and Yanagi.

"I don't know why you wanted me to come to this. It's not exactly as if I have a choice as to whether you divorce me or not. Our son is the one who you need to talk to not me. I mean why would you ask me here when I am clearly not needed…"

"It's okay dad. I'm glad you came."

Yanagisawa was quite pleased to see his now estranged son.

"I hear you're a father, Renji da ne."

"Not by will that's for sure. Kirihara been driving me up the wall with his constant whining. He hates me too, so it doesn't make things any easier, and why am I talking to you any way?! You suck!"

"Don't say things like that da ne!"

"What's with all the drama anyway? This is getting to be a bit much don't you think? I'm leaving before I go nuts!"

Yanagi made a rather dramatic exit leaving Yanagisawa to hear Shinji's very lengthy complaints for the rest of the evening.

__

To hell with all of them then da ne! I'm getting married Da ne!

MEANWHILE...

The only happy couples in the universe were about to have a double wedding. The brides were getting into their dresses and having a discussion about their soon-to-be husbands.

"Ah...I hope Shishido-san doesn't end up regretting this," Ohtori fretted. "I know I won't, even though I had to give up priesthood and all..."

"I hope that Sanada and I don't fight anymore," Yukimura fretted.

"I hope that Shishido-san doesn't get drunk too often and start thinking that I'm Aphrodite too often..."

"I hope that -- did you say Aphrodite?"

"Um..."

There was silence.

"That dress looks very pretty on you," Ohtori said, finally. Yukimura did look very pretty. Ohtori was almost jealous.

"And you look quite spiffy yourself," Yukimura replied. He was almost jealous.

Their two husbands were having a somewhat similar conversation.

"So, Sanada, are you happy that Yukimura's yours again?"

"Yes."

"Uh...I'm sorry about the whole misunderstanding."

"You should be."

"Uh...yeah."

There was silence. Then it was time for them to get married!

The ceremony was beautiful, even if Shishido nearly fainted at the sight of his Choutarou in that wedding dress, and afterwards, the two couples drove off to their separate honeymoons. Shishido and Ohtori were headed for Disneyland. Yukimura and Sanada were headed for Tibet.

And they lived happily ever after -- for real.

Now, if only the rest of the world could get it together...


	8. Honeymoon Interrupted

Inui was pissed off. He'd lost the baby, (how careless!) and he did not want to tell Kaido, because he knew that was the only reason that Kaido was sticking around was because of the baby.

"Inui...stop getting in my way," Momo growled.

"You're in _my_ way," Inui said, coldly. Then he had an idea. A wickedly awful idea, a la Grinch. He started a very extreme catfight with Momo, including biting and scratching, but made sure to make it look like the entire incident was Momo's fault. Then, he got into a car accident, and blamed the lost baby on Momo.

"There's a ninety-nice percent chance that you feel guilty enough to let me run of with Kaido," Inui sniffed, pathetically.

"Take the mamushi. You deserve him more than I am. I only hope that someday, I can be forgiven."

Momo walked off into the sunset.

MEANWHILE...

Kohei was pretty glum. After all, he was pregnant with the milkman's child, and had lost the one true love of his life -- to his twin brother.

"I can't believe Yohei's going to have his kid, and I still have no one to love me," Kohei sniffled.

"I LOVE YOU!"

Kohei jumped half a mile at the sound of that voice. "...Aoi?"

"I WANT YOU TO MARRY ME, SO THAT OUR KID CAN BE RESPECTABLE, AND ALL THAT!"

"...marry you?" Kohei had only had a fling with the milkman because he'd been feeling desperate and unloved. Marriage, though...he'd never even considered it. He'd been hung up on Sengoku for so long that...

"PLEASE BE MY WIFE, KOHEI!"

"Um..." It was all so sudden! Kohei didn't know if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with someone as loud as Aoi. But...Aoi loved him! He'd said so, just two seconds prior! Oh, to be loved...

"I'll marry you, Aoi!"

"YAY!"

"...but please try to be less loud, from now on. I'm afraid your voice will hurt the baby."

"OKAY!"

MEANWHILE...

Sniffle sniffle. "Sengoku...our baby...please, think of our baby!"

Sengoku shuddered. He didn't want to be a father. He wanted to continue to mess around and be irresponsible forever. And try and get back on Hiroshi's good side, so they could play with ostrich feathers.

"Are you sure it's mine?"

"Almost one hundred percent positive!" Yohei exclaimed.

"...almost?"

"Well, it's most likely you."

"Most likely?"

"...in fact, I'm sort of sure that it's you."

"Sort of sure?"

"Okay, so it's debatable!"

"Who else could it belong to?" Sengoku asked.

"Well, I had this one fling with the guy who lives next door..."

"Then I think some tests are in order," Sengoku said.

"But --"

"No buts! I'm not ready to be a father, and I'm going to weasel out of this if at all possible!"

"...damn you."

MEANWHILE...

Yanagisawa was walking down that aisle...again. This time, he hoped it was for real.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband...and stuff?"

"I do, da ne!"

"You may now kiss the Yanagisawa!"

There were cheers, and claps. Kisarazu and Yanagisawa were finally married!

"I'm so happy, Shinya," said Kisarazu dreamily. "I never thought that I would find such happiness after wrestling with the devil."

"Well, I hope he didn't steal your soul or anything, da ne."

"That would be...bad."

"Hey, mom? I just wanted you to know that I'm still upset about all this, but as long as you're happy, then I'll try to be happy too," Yanagi said.

"Thank you, my son, da ne."

"It's the least I could do...oh, crap." Yanagi was interrupted by the baby in his arms, who was wailing like a thing possessed. "This kid is too much like his mother."

"Aw, he's cute, da ne. I'm happy to have a grandkid, da ne. I'm going for my honeymoon now, da ne."

Kisarazu carried Yanagisawa away into the sunset, and everyone cheered. (Mostly because Yanagisawa was going to be gone for a while.)

MEANWHILE...

Yanagi was very unhappy to be a father, and because of it, he had been acting particularly out of character of late. He thought himself far too young to have to deal with these kinds of responsibilities; but he was coming to terms with it. It was partly his fault the baby had been born after all, even if he had been drunk and drugged up due to Kirihara's stupid actions.

So, he would take responsibility as the kid's father. That still didn't make dealing with Kirihara any easier.

"I want my Fuji!" Kirihara wailed. He was in his usual spot by the window, sniffling and shrieking. He was worse than the baby.

"Akaya..."

"All I ever wanted was Fuji's love...and he was caught up with Tezuka the whole time! Why? Damn it, why?"

"Akaya..."

"I just want to be loved!"

"Akaya..."

"Why doesn't anyone love me?"

Yanagi was twitching by this time. "Will you shut up and listen to me for a second, you whiny brat?"

Kirihara shut up, out of shock.

"Look, Akaya, I'm sorry that you didn't get the guy you really wanted, but you were going about it all the wrong way, anyway. Besides that, if you would just calm down for about two seconds, I could tell you that I think I have fallen for you. I know it's not much, but you have my love, if no one else's. So...stop crying, already."

Kirihara began to bawl. "Wah, I'm so happy, Renji!"

"Yes...well." Yanagi cleared his throat. He had never been very good with emotional things.

"I love you, Renji!" Kirihara said, throwing himself at Yanagi. Yanagi hoped this meant that Kirihara would be easier to deal with from now on...not that he really minded, anyway, since Kirihara was pretty endearing, in his own freakish way.

MEANWHILE...

Hiyoshi was cackling as he took out the garbage to the curb. He had hired the most expensive and most narcissistic assassin in town to take care of his stupid brother Tezuka.

"As soon as he's out of the way, everything I want will be mine!!! Bwahahahaahahahaha!"

MEANWHILE...

Atobe approached the unsuspecting Tezuka from behind with a knife. This was one of the rare times he found himself intrigued enough by a target to do the job himself. Someone as perfect as Hiyoshi described might just pose a challenge to his beauty, but that was a ridiculous notion of course.

He took out his marble handled, diamond encrusted dagger, and was prepared to take off the target's head until he saw how exquisite a face this Tezuka had.

"….."

"Give me one reason why you should not be skewered by ore-sama's blade."

"….."

Atobe was stricken by his composure and decided it best not to kill him.

Others might say that he was in love, but Atobe Keigo expert assassin was not the type to admit such a thing.

That loser butler would just have to be his first and only unsatisfied customer.

MEANWHILE....

"What do you mean you didn't do it! So your saying I had to steal a million dollars to pay you to do nothing!?"

"Yeah that's pretty much the jest of it. Dispose of him Kabaji."

"Usu."

Hiyoshi was thrown out on his ass short a million dollars and still the brother of a not dead Tezuka. He was sulking on his way back to the mansion when ran into Dr. Kajimoto by complete coincidence!

"Uh hi."

Hiyoshi was trying his best to be tactful aka not jumping the poor doctor who barely knew him.

"Oh I remember you. You're Tezuka's brother."

Hiyoshi would have murdered anyone else who said that but this was the man of his dreams, so he made an exception.

"Uh yeah. Do you want to go out for coffee or something?"

"Sure, why not. It's not like I have any one else to go out with since Tezuka got married."

"When did he get married?"

"Just the other day."

Hiyoshi and Kajimoto spent the evening growing ever fonder of one another, and Hiyoshi thought He might finally get the chance to attain happiness. (because HE deserved it damn it!)

MEANWHILE...

"Did you steal our money!?"

"Yadda."

-----

"Did you steal our money!?"

"We're kinda on our honeymoon here, so get the hell out of our room!"

"Shishido-san! There's no need to get so upset."

Shishido was never one to be able to resist Ohtori's wishes, so he kept himself from pounding Mukahi's face in.

"Fine, I won't punch your ugly face in. Just get out!"

"But watching the honeymoon might be interesting, eh Gakuto?"

"I ageree, but we have to find our money."

"I suppose you're right. Let's go then."

-----

"Did you steal our money!?"

"My…my shirts! The Hajime collection! All gone…."

"I'm afraid that Mizuki-san is not in a good state, and he hasn't left my sight since he's been like this…"

Yuuta had been listening to Mizuki mourn his wardrobe ever since he snapped out of demonic possession, and realised he had burned almost the whole thing.

"I guess he mustn't be responsible."

"Yeah, and I'm sick of hearing his whining. Let's get out of here!"

"Very well, Gakuto."

The search continued, with no success. They searched high and low, but really should have been looking closer to home, where their butler was currently having the time of his life taking advantage of their absence.

"This is getting boring! Let's go home Yuushi!"

"Whatever you say, Gakuto."

The pair arrived home to find their butler swimming in Oshitari's money pool.

"You're SO fired!"

Mukahi enjoyed disposing of their most annoying butler quite considerably.

So once again, Hiyoshi was thrown out on his ass, this time by hired goons. Maybe he could stay with Kajimoto….

TO BE CONCLUDED IN THE NEXT ACTION-PACKED (?!) EPISODE OF DAYS OF OUR TENNIS!


	9. The Grand Finale

Sengoku was very unhappy as his soon-to-be wife marched up the aisle. There was a look of death in Yohei's eyes that didn't quite match the beaming smile he was wearing. He did look rather pretty in the wedding dress, Sengoku had to admit...

And while they exchanged vows, Sengoku realized something. He finally had what he had always wanted -- someone to love, who would love him in return. They would raise their child together, and it would grow up to be someone respectable and would be famous and would take care of them in their old age, and...

"I do!" Sengoku said with enthusiasm. "I love you, Yohei!"

Yohei blinked. "Since when?"

"Since right now!" Sengoku kissed the bride with full force. Yohei passed out.

When he came to, Sengoku carried him off to their honeymoon...and they lived happily ever after, until they got divorced, due to some circumstances which --

MEANWHILE...

Tezuka was in love. Unfortunately it was not with his husband, Fuji. He had come to realise that he was indeed getting quite sick of Fuji's baggage aka Kirihara, and they had grown somewhat apart.

He had also gotten even closer to Kajimoto, who had been there to listen when he was at his wits end with Fuji. Kajimoto had always been there….

Hell he was in love with Kajimoto the whole time! He never should have married Fuji in the first place, but it was too late now.

He was married, and Kajimoto was going out with his brother….

MEANWHILE...

Kajimoto was quite happy in Hiyoshi's company. After getting to know one another, they had become quite good friends, but Kajimoto saw very little more than friendship in Hiyoshi. He was a little scared to tell him though, for fear that he might explode or something, but he was still in love with Tezuka, and no other person could replace him in his heart.

"Kajimoto. Do you still love Tezuka?"

"Yes…. I'm afraid that I do."

"Then go get him. I heard that he just got a divorce from Fuji…."

Before Hiyoshi could utter another word, Kajimoto had ran off to find Tezuka. Sigh.

" I guess he was meant to be with Tezuka then…"

Hiyoshi was not looking where he was going and bumped into a distraught Fuji Syusuke.

"You're Tezuka's brother huh? Well tell him that he can shove it! I can't believe he'd dump me for that, that… doctor!"

"Well I just got dumped by my one true love for my entirely too perfect brother. If anyone has the right to be pissed off it's me!"

"Why don't we be pissed off together then?"

"Umm.. sounds fine to me."

It was a match made in heaven (or hell depending on your viewpoint). They got over their past relationships, and Hiyoshi was able to (somewhat) forgive Tezuka, and no longer desired him to be dead, because he had found his own piece of happiness.

MEANWHILE...

"Tezuka?"

"…?"

"Will you run away with me?"

"Ah."

Tezuka and Kajimoto decided to run off together on a strategically placed white horse, never to return to their two bit town again.

MEANWHILE...

FLASHBACK TO LAST EPISODE

__

"Take the mamushi. You deserve him more than I am. I only hope that someday, I can be forgiven."

Momo walked off into the sunset.

END FLASHBACK

Momo promptly came back when he discovered the truth, through a very interesting series of events, which involves a blender, a broken telephone, and Kaido's best friend Kamio in a red cocktail dress and heels.

"Inui, you bastard!" Kaido screeched. "How could you lie like that? I'll never take you back, never!"

Inui ran crying all the way to somewhere else, and Kaido and Momo fell into each other's arms once again.

"I'll never love anyone but you ever again, baka," Kaido swore.

"I love you so much, Kaido! By the way, whatever happened to our dear son Dan?"

"Er...I don't know. Maybe we should find him."

"That would be good."

And they lived happily ever after.

...until the truth about what Momo did in his missing years came out, and Princess Bob Von Schnitzel was revealed...

...but let's not go there.

--fin--

A/N: It's been a fun ride. Thanks for sticking with us through this mess, and we're glad to have put smiles on some of your faces. Oh, and we apologize for the nightmares. Those will fade with time. Think happy thoughts.


End file.
